I Promise You This (Love in Provence Book 3) Page 9

  “Sounds like my mother’s kitchen,” Katherine said with a smile. “Great idea!”

  Molly continued to sleep. Nick and Kat enjoyed their lunch and talked about Philippe’s arrival the next day. Kat watched Nick’s face, wondering if their exchange the other evening had made any difference to his comfort level with Philippe. She saw nothing but genuine friendship and admired him all the more.

  She told Nick that Andrea and Terrence would pick up Philippe. He had offered to send Mo.

  “Ah, decent of them. Philippe will appreciate seeing familiar faces when he arrives. You’re not going?”

  “I want to stay with Molly. They’re moving her out of ICU tomorrow morning, so she’ll have more room for visitors, although we still have to keep things calm. Dr. Primeau was by earlier and told me he’s pleased with her progress. He also said we should be patient about her not speaking.”

  “That’s encouraging.”

  “I know. It’s unsettling to not hear her voice, but he talked about spontaneous recovery from aphasia. Let’s hope so.”

  “That’s the first time I’ve heard her inability to talk referred to as aphasia. Scary. I hope Primeau is right with his prediction.”

  As they were finishing their lunch, Molly began to stir. After a quick check by the nurse, who raised the head of the bed so she’d be more comfortable, Molly looked more aware than before her nap and beamed at Nick. She obviously recognized him and looked surprised.

  He went over and kissed both her cheeks. “G’day, princess! It’s nice to have you back with us! We missed you. I gave you a big smackaroo from Graham when you were in your coma, so I’ll deliver it again.”

  Molly nodded, her grin widening. She appeared ready to say something, and Kat and Nick held their breath in anticipation. But they were disappointed when nothing happened.

  Katherine moved the tray table into position and asked if she could help Molly with her soup. Molly nodded and Nick provided an entertaining monologue while she slowly consumed half the bowl.

  As the time to meet James drew nearer, Kat felt herself tensing up. Nick had been sitting on the other side of the bed and came around to her side. Putting his hands on her shoulders, he lightly massaged them. “Feeling a bit tense there, are we, gorgeous?”

  “Just a bit,” she agreed. “I think I’ll freshen up before I go downstairs and get this meeting over with.”

  Molly tapped Kat’s hand and raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

  “I’m meeting James in the cafeteria here in fifteen minutes.”

  Molly’s eyes widened and her brows shot up even more.

  Kat kissed her on the cheeks. “I’ll give you a full report when I come back up. You and Nick behave yourselves while I’m gone. No loud partying!”

  “Party pooper!” Nick shot back. Molly laughed, and they all stopped dead at the sound.

  “You laughed! Do it again!” So she did, and they all joined in. Katherine rushed out to the nurses’ station to report the news, but they were already aware that Molly had laughed that morning—and also that she’d groaned aloud in pain.

  She came back in and reported, “The nurse just told me this is an encouraging step and they’ve scheduled more tests in the morning.”

  Nick and Molly high-fived, and he promised to keep her laughing all afternoon. “I’ll let the nurses be responsible for the other sounds.”

  “On that happy note, I’m off. See you soon.”

  Katherine went to the ladies’ room to reapply her lipstick and run her fingers through her hair. Giving herself a quick once-over in the mirror, she liked what she saw.

  All the cycling she and Philippe had done through the hills and the fact that she walked everywhere in her life in France had kept her fit. She’d let her hair grow longer and altered the color. She knew she looked different from the last time James saw her. She certainly felt different.

  She nodded in approval at her jeans and the blue woolen turtleneck sweater that complemented her eyes. She had to admit she wanted James to think she looked good.

  She thought how she had transformed since that first day she arrived in France on her own. Not without some moments of doubt and insecurity, she had become happy with herself. She had made choices, embraced change, and moved forward with her life. Philippe and the love they shared were the icing on the cake.

  She went to the stairwell to go down the five flights. Let me get those endorphins going. I can use the buzz.

  As she took the stairs two at a time, she repeated all the way down: “I’ve got this. I’ve got this. I’ve got this.”

  There were chairs in the elevator lobby, but she decided to go into the gift shop near the cafeteria. She wanted to be standing, not seated, when James arrived. She was feeling strong and hoped her resolve would not slip when she finally faced him.

  Keeping an eye on the corridor, pretending to read the newspaper headlines, she saw him coming before he noticed her. He was in his standard business attire of a well-tailored, expensive-looking navy suit, coordinated shirt and tie. He always was a fashionable dresser.

  Tall and trim as he was in the past, Katherine noticed he had put on a few pounds.

  “Hi, James,” she said, walking out of the gift shop as he reached the cafeteria entrance. She reminded herself to breathe.

  “Katherine . . .”

  The next moments were awkward. They stood facing each other, about two feet apart. James lifted his hands slightly, as if considering giving her a hug, and Katherine shifted back a touch as she felt herself recoiling,

  “Let’s go sit down,” she quickly suggested, and she turned to lead the way.

  The cafeteria wasn’t particularly busy. They seated themselves across from each other at a table in a quiet corner.

  “Would you like a coffee or something?” Katherine asked, hoping she sounded calmer than she felt.

  James appeared pale and tense. His hands were clasped in a white-knuckled grip.

  “No, but go ahead if you like.”

  “I’m fine.”

  They looked at each other. Katherine waited, wondering how he was going to handle things. Then she realized she was holding her breath and quietly exhaled.

  James glanced down at the table and then back up at her. He licked his lips nervously. “How are you?”

  Kat did an inner eye roll. How am I? That’s the first thing you want to say to me, you idiot?

  Her heart pounded in her chest. After a long pause, as she watched him shift uncomfortably, she replied with her voice as resolute as her gaze. “I’m very well, thanks. Better than I’ve ever been, as a matter of fact.”

  He stared at the table again. Without lifting his eyes, he mumbled, “That’s not how I meant to start. Let me begin again.”

  He raised his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry . . .” His voice trailed off as his face flushed and his lips twitched. For a moment Katherine thought he might burst into tears, which would have been totally out of character.

  Briefly, she considered saying, “It’s okay. It’s all right. Forget it.” Ever the peacemaker.

  But it wasn’t okay. It hadn’t been all right. He should feel sorry. Very sorry. No matter how it had turned out. So she said nothing and instead looked squarely at him, seeing all the deceit, the lies, and the excruciating hurt he had inflicted.

  She noticed a thin line of perspiration forming along his upper lip as he continued.

  “I don’t know how I can take back the hurt I caused you. I behaved terribly.”

  “Yes, you did.” A painful memory flashed through her of crumbling to the kitchen floor with shock and disbelief. Kat drew in a deep breath and banished the thought.

  James looked away and continued, his voice wavering. “I have really beaten myself up about it. Had to go to counseling. Knew I had to do this, to apologize directly to you. I’m sure you can’t forgive me, but I hope you will accept my apology.”

  “You’re right. I will never forgive you. But I will accept your apology.”
She tossed the ball back to him, realizing she wanted him to squirm. She knew she was behaving out of character, but it felt right. In fact, it felt good.

  “I don’t know what else to say. Whatever was going on, there’s no excuse for the way I handled things.” And again he repeated, his voice catching, “I . . . I am just so incredibly sorry.”

  Katherine knew he meant it. How couldn’t he? They had shared a life for almost thirty years. Twenty-two of them married. She could tell he meant it, and she was well aware it was hard for him to be humble. He was never one to admit wrongdoing.

  She found her voice. Her eyes never left his face. He lowered his often. The more she spoke, the stronger she felt.

  “There’s no denying the pain you caused me, from the shock of it all, from the deceit, from the obvious lying that had gone on, from the breach of trust, from the disrespect. All of that I will never forgive . . .”

  His face flinched and he looked past her.

  She wasn’t through yet. “But things work out in the most unexpected ways sometimes. I have a life now in which I am happier than I ever could have imagined. I’ve discovered things about myself that never had a chance to surface in my life with you. Important things . . .” She paused.

  His voice betrayed his inability to process what she had just said. He blinked rapidly as he unclasped his hands and wiped them on his thighs. “I called your house a while back and Lucy was there. She told me you were living in France.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “I bumped into her at the courthouse last week. You remember her cousin was involved in that gangland slaying . . .”

  Kat nodded. James continued to speak quickly, as if out of control.

  “And it’s still going on. Crazy business. She told me about Molly. That’s when I called your place and left the message. I figured you’d be back. I’m sorry about Molly. How is she?”

  “Not in great shape. It was a very serious accident but she is slowly recovering.”

  “That’s good. I was sorry to see the obituary when your mother died last year. I wanted to call but then thought perhaps I shouldn’t. I’m sure you miss her. I’m really sorry . . . sorry about everything . . .”

  “Yes, I do miss her. But again, those months I had with her before she died were meaningful and special. That wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t left.”

  James looked at her. A slight frown appeared on his face. Katherine knew her strength was throwing him off kilter. He was accustomed to being in control and dominating any conversation with her.

  Katherine continued, feeling on a bit of a roll: “In fact, nothing that is in my life now would have happened if you hadn’t walked out on me.”

  It occurred to her that it would be nice of her to ask how he was. To ask how he enjoyed being a parent. But she knew she didn’t want to be that nice to him. Besides, she thought, she might end up asking him if he ever thought about how he had denied her that role. What’s past is past, she reminded herself.

  James began speaking rapidly again. “I want you to know I value the years we had together, Kat. You were a good wife. We had some good times. I have a lot of happy memories that I won’t forget. I’m sorry I hurt you the way I did . . . I truly am.”

  She gave a curt nod, not missing a beat. “We did have some good times, you’re right. In fact, I had no idea how much was missing from our marriage until I was on my own and discovered there was so much more to life, that there was so much more to me.”

  James stared down at his hands. His face was pale and there was an air of defeat about him. His voice was hoarse as he spoke. “I’m glad you’re happy. There are times I wish I could take it all back and never have had all this happen.”

  Kat said nothing but was reminded of his controlling ways. How dare he say this! Not just about my life, but what about his new wife and child? What does this say about his commitment to those relationships?

  She did not want anything taken back. She had dealt with the hurt and come out in a better place. He had lied to her. He had deceived her. Blatantly. All the while telling her he loved her. She did not want to hear how his life was. She realized she truly did not care.

  He shifted awkwardly in his chair when Katherine said nothing in reply. James cleared his throat before speaking again. “So . . . I guess that’s it, then. Thanks for giving me the chance to apologize. It means a great deal to me.”

  Katherine stood up and James followed, looking a little surprised that their conversation was over.

  Looking across the table at him, she felt a certain calm come over her. With some inner surprise she heard her voice tell him, “I appreciate your apologies. You should be ashamed of how you behaved and the way you left. Life works in mysterious ways, and if it makes you feel better, I have never been more content than I am now with the life I have and the future that awaits me. I wish you all the best with yours.”

  She held out her hand and he shook it. He was never a hugger, but she could feel that was what he was looking for now. It happened quickly, and she stiffened as he put his arms awkwardly around her. Hers hung limply at her side.

  In that moment Katherine knew she was saying good-bye. Good-bye to her past with him. Good-bye to all the years she didn’t stand up for herself. Good-bye to the hurt he had caused.

  Stepping back quickly, she felt as if a weight had lifted from her—a weight she had been ignoring. Her face was serene and her gaze strong, although she did not smile.

  “You look happy, Katherine. You really do. Whatever you are doing agrees with you.”

  “Thanks, James,” she replied matter-of-factly. And she meant it. “Good-bye.”

  She turned and went over to the coffee bar to avoid leaving with him. He walked out toward the elevators.

  Placing her hands on the counter, she felt her knees weaken for a second. She took a deep breath. That encounter had not been as easy as she’d worked to make it seem. It was disconcerting to look into the eyes of the man with whom she had shared so much of her life and feel he was almost a stranger.

  She stood there for a while, thinking.

  After James had walked out of their marriage, Katherine had spent several months wondering if indeed they had ever really known “love” together. Had it simply been a case of comfort and convenience when they got married? The lust part had not lasted long.

  When she was honest with herself, she knew there were numerous times when she had felt distinctly unloved, disrespected and hurt by his words and attitude toward her. She could remember thinking then that she should leave. She deserved better. But she never did. She never spoke with anyone about it. Certainly not to James, because she knew he would become angrier and meaner. So she swallowed the hurt and the dislike she felt for him. It faded but never truly went away. She retreated more within herself. They simply carried on as usual.

  The difference between the love and respect she felt with Philippe and how she felt with James was like night and day. Finally, she had found love, and that love had changed her for the better in every way.

  There was no question that her life with Philippe brought her confidence. But she also knew she had empowered herself as a result of those first trying months after James left her. That core strength and self-confidence defined the woman she was able to become. What Philippe gave to her sealed the deal.

  She regretted nothing she had said to James today.

  That chapter was over.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Molly was asleep when Katherine walked in her room. Nick was busy texting in a chair by her bed.

  He quickly put his phone down and gave Kat a look of concern. “How did it go? Are you okay?”

  “I am surprisingly fine, thanks. There were words I have thought about saying to James for a long time . . . and I did. He was apologetic. Done.”

  A nurse came in and said they were going to wake Molly to bathe her and change the linens.

  “Let’s go for a walk, Kat,” Nick suggested. “I found a great
pub near my hotel, and fresh air would probably do us both good. Besides, I could use a swig or two of the amber fluid! Let’s go and lighten up.”

  Katherine grinned. There was no one who knew how to lighten up better than Nick.

  They told the nurse they would come back to help Molly with dinner. Nick scribbled a crazy face on the whiteboard while Kat left a cheery note there for Molly to see when she awoke.

  After a brisk walk, they stopped in at the King’s Arms. The dark wood interior with stained-glass accents was welcoming and they paused at the wood-burning fireplace to warm up. Katherine was surprised how calm she felt.

  After they settled into a cozy booth, Nick had the perky young waitress giggling as he questioned her about the craft beers she listed.

  Katherine momentarily excused herself and sent a quick text to Philippe. She knew he would be wondering about her meeting with James.

  Their drinks arrived as she put her phone away, and Nick raised his glass to her. “Cheers! Here’s to moving on.”

  Kat nodded vigorously, raising her glass in return. “Cheers! I never admitted I was carrying around that baggage. Now that I’ve had my say, I know I was . . . and it’s gone.”

  Nick was sensitive enough not to inquire any further about her conversation with James. Instead he talked about his impressions of Toronto. “Thanks for giving me the grand tour these past few days of your Big Smoke—erm, your fair city. It’s a beaut!”

  “It’s a great place to live. It feels a bit strange to be back after almost six months in France. On the one hand, being back on my home turf is so easy: my familiarity with my surroundings, speaking the same language, friends and family with whom I have a history. I’m surprised how happy I feel to be home. Yet I miss my life in Antibes every day. I keep trying to analyze what I’m feeling. I haven’t quite got it figured out.”

  “I hear you, being a nomad myself. Do you think it’s simply that you miss Philippe? Lucky bloke!”

  “I do miss him, no question. I can’t wait to see him tomorrow. But another part of my heart is aching for the colors of the sea, the buildings, the sky of Provence. I miss the cobblestones and the shutters and the markets and . . .” Katherine rolled her eyes and sighed.